【Ejaculate Me So i’m Tired】

Warner Bros. Discovery's announcement that a Harry PotterTV series is Ejaculate Me So i’m Tiredin development for new streaming service Max is wildly disappointing for a number of reasons.

First and foremost, Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling has a history of making (and continues to make) transphobic remarks. Considering her platform and level of influence, these are highly damaging to the trans community. However, HBO does not appear to share these concerns. At a Q&A event following the Max announcement, Chairman and CEO of HBO and Max Content Casey Bloys deflected a question about Rowling's bigoted comments, saying, "That’s a very online conversation, very nuanced and complicated and not something we’re going to get into."

Dismissing the experiences of trans people as "very online" is completely unacceptable, especially as US politicians continue to propose and pass anti-trans legislation. HBO's decision to proceed with a 10-year-long adaptation with Rowling'sinvolvementis the equivalent of them saying they care far more about money than about the real harm Rowling has done and will likely continue to do.

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The announced Harry Potter series is also disheartening because of what it means for the television landscape and fantasy's role in it. From recent shows like The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Powerto House of the Dragon, it's clear networks and streamers only feel comfortable revisiting fantasy properties that have already proven themselves to be successful. A televised remake of Harry Potter is just the latest example, even though the final film in the franchise came out in 2011, and the Fantastic Beastmisfires even more recently. Worse is the idea that this show will be a "faithful adaptation" of the book series, a concept that is frankly boring and impossible — and weirdly dismissive of the original films.

As a genre, one of fantasy's biggest appeals is its ability to transport us to new worlds full of new possibilities. Yet TV executives would rather play solely in the confines of places like Middle-earth, Westeros, and now Hogwarts. It's creatively stale, not to mention antithetical to a genre full of ambitious stories. Many of these stories have been optioned for TV but have yet to make it to the small screen, rendering the choice to re-adapt Harry Potter even more egregious.

Of these optioned novels, here are five that I desperately want to see on TV, although keep in mind that being optioned does not guarantee a show will be made. The following list includes four standouts from the last 10 years, as well as one classic wizarding school book — just in case you want another example of that genre.

For the sake of specificity, I am excluding books optioned to be movies, such as Naomi Novik's A Deadly Education(another great magic school alternative) and Xiran Jay Zhao's Iron Widow, as well as books that skew more towards science fiction, such as Charlie Jane Anders's The City in the Middle of the Nightand Octavia Butler's Dawn. Rest assured, I eagerly await those, too, and I'm crossing my fingers and toes that they get made — and made well.

Here, in no particular order, are five fantasy TV adaptations we'd rather see than a Harry Potter reboot.

1. The City We Became by N.K. Jemisin

It's a crime that none of five-time Hugo award-winner N.K. Jemisin's novels have been adapted to film or TV by now. Luckily for us, several projects are in the pipeline. In 2021, it was announced that her Inheritance trilogy had been optioned for TV and that Jemisin herself would be writing the screenplay for the film adaptation of her Broken Earth trilogy.

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But that's not all. In 2023, Walden Media acquired her Great Cities duology — made up of The City We Became and The World We Make — for television. The City We Became takes place in our world, with one key difference: Cities can become sentient, and when they do, they are embodied by a human avatar.

The novel focuses on New York City, where five avatars — one for each borough — fight to stop an evil Enemy encroaching on the city. Where the majority of The City We Became's leads are people of color, the Enemy is an eldritch manifestation of Lovecraftian xenophobia and racism. The ensuing battle is a fast-paced race across New York that sees our avatars connect as a found family in order to save the city they love. It's a masterwork of urban fantasy full of strong ideas, unique characters, and set pieces that would translate marvelously to the screen.

2. The Poppy War by R.F. Kuang

Looking for a grimdark fantasy series that will rip your heart out? R.F. Kuang's The Poppy War is here to help — by wrecking you, that is. The trilogy, composed of The Poppy War,The Dragon Republic, and The Burning God, was optioned by Starlight Media in 2020.

The Poppy War transports us to the empire of Nikan, where war orphan Rin claws her way into the most prestigious military academy in the nation. As war breaks out, she learns to unleash a godly power, only to discover that said power has a terrible, terrible price. And how high a price is Rin willing to pay to secure victory?

Rin's ferocious tenacity as the trilogy's main character is enough to make me crave an adaptation of The Poppy War, but Kuang's layered world-building further cements that desire. Kuang deftly combines elements of 20th century Chinese history and the Opium Wars with a foreboding pantheon of magical gods and the shamans who can reach them. The result is a brutal look at war that rivals any current fantasy show when it comes to epic showdowns and heartbreaking character arcs.

3. Legendborn by Tracy Deonn

Ancient myth meets YA excellence in Tracy Deonn's Legendborn, one of the best Arthurian retellings out there. Black Bear Television acquired the rights in 2022, and announced that Felicia D. Henderson would be leading the adaptation. Henderson co-executive produced and wrote on The Punisher and also served as showrunner for First Kill.

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Legendborn introduces us to 16-year-old Bree Matthews, a Black high schooler attending a residential program at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. There, she discovers the "Legendborn," a predominantly white secret society made up of the direct descendants of King Arthur and his knights. Drawn into this world of magic, swords, and demons, Bree soon realizes she has more power — and more of a place — in this legend than she originally thought.

With her expert use of Arthurian lore, Deonn has crafted a thrilling YA adventure with an instantly lovable lead and a profound message. Not only is this novelan exciting romp through familiar legends, it's also a deep exploration of grief and intergenerational trauma. Get it on TV as soon as possible.

SEE ALSO: The 5 best fantasy shows to watch if you liked 'House of the Dragon' and 'The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power'

4. Jade City by Fonda Lee

Jade Citykicks off Fonda Lee's Green Bone Saga trilogy, which has been described as The Godfather with magic and kung fu. So really, what more do you need? In an upsetting turn of events, Jade City series was originally in the works at Peacock before being canceled. However, Lee wrote in a tweet that the project was in search of a new home, so there's still hope we could see this greatness on TV.

The "Jade City" in question is Janloon, capital of the island nation of Kekon, which is the only place in the world that can produce magical, bioenergetic jade. There, the Kaul family tries to control jade production while fending off rival clans. The ensuing series is an expansive and thrilling family drama full of riveting negotiations and pulse-pounding fight scenes. If its comprehensive world-building somehow doesn't win you over, the Kaul family certainly will. With Successionalmost at an end, we need a new TV family to obsess over — why not make it the Kauls in all their jade-wielding, gang-leading glory?

SEE ALSO: Book Depository is shutting down amidst Amazon layoffs

5. A Wizard of Earthsea by Ursula K. Le Guin

If any fantasy series involving a wizard school should be getting a TV adaptation, it's Ursula K. Le Guin's Earthsea books. It got the movie treatment with a 2006 Studio Ghibli film and was made into a two-part miniseries in 2004. In 2019, A24 announced that it had an Earthsea show in the works. Unfortunately, there haven't been any further developments.

A Wizard of Earthsea is a magical coming-of-age story centering on the mage Ged, who goes to the island of Roke to train. Later novels in the series depart from the school setting and introduce new characters, so we get a larger look at the archipelago of Earthseaand its many inhabitants. No prior adaptation of Earthsea has quite nailed the wonder of these books, so perhaps a television show (if one gets made, which it should) could finally do it justice.

Topics Books HBO