This post is Esther Moserpart of Mashable's Masturbation Week. May is National Masturbation Month, so we're celebrating by exploring the many facets of self-love.
So you want to talk about masturbation, but you don't want to say "masturbation."
First, have you considered just saying "masturbation?" It's a fine and good word to say; plus, it's gender-free! But if you reallycan't do it — or if you're some kind of slang aficionado — you'll be thrilled to know that there are dozens of unusual euphemisms for masturbation at your disposal.
SEE ALSO: Actual things you can do to bridge the orgasm gap in your own bedroomWe've compiled a selection of 50 for you here, all from the deep tunnels of our blessed internet. Some of these images are specific to female masturbation, and some are specific to male masturbation. (We need more terms that aren't just for men, to be honest.) Some are not specific at all. And some are so deeply confusing that we simply do not know to which body parts they are referring. But maybe you do. In that case, can you let us know?
1. Poaching the egg
2. Shaking hands with the milkman
3. Manual override
4. Marching the penguin
5. Double clicking
6. Polishing the banister
7. Petting the cat
8. Lone Rangering
9. Boxing the one-eyed champ
10. Celebrating Palm Sunday
11. Nulling the void
12. Visiting the safety deposit box
13. Orbiting Venus
14. Finding Nemo
15. Cuffing the carrot
16. Cooking cucumbers
17. Dialing the rotary phone
18. Taking the self-guided tour
19. Playing five-on-one
20. Making waffles
21. Doing a Meg Ryan
22. Downstairs DJ
23. Turning on the sprinklers
24. Shucking the corn
25. Softening the peach
26. Spearing the bearded clam
27. Paddling the pink canoe
28. DIY
29. Scratching Yoda behind the ears
30. Trolling the Bermuda Triangle
31. Taking selfies at The Bean
32. Dotting the "i"
33. Burping the worm
34. Tapping into your potential
35. Giving yourself a hand
36. Rotating the drive head
37. Keynoting in Cupertino
38. Taking your talents to South Beach
39. Auditioning the finger puppets
40. Badgering the witness
41. Making soup
42. Preparing the monologue
43. Rosing (thanks, Titanic)
44. Clicking the home page
45. Drilling for oil
46. Engaging in safe sex
47. Singing soprano
48. Debugging the hard drive
49. Minding the gap
50. Watching the Magic Mike: XXL trailer
Happy euphemising. We hope it's a real pleasure.
Want more clever culture writing beamed directly to your inbox? Sign up herefor the weekly Mashable After Dark newsletter. It's fun — we promise.
UPDATE: May. 15, 2023, 12:06 p.m. AEST This article was originally published in May 2018, and has been updated in May 2023.
Fyre Festival and Trump’s Language
No Books Were Harmed by Sadie Stein
1 Story of God: 71 by Joy Williams
A Visit with Patrick Leigh Fermor, Part 1 by Ben Downing
Hidden Siri Commands and Unusual Responses
A Girl with a Mind by Sadie Stein
‘QAnon Shaman’ is seen leading the charge as pro
The Dogs of Men and War: Charlie Newman and His Lost Novel by Alexander Nazaryan
Best robot vacuum deal: Save $200 on Eufy X10 Pro Omni robot vacuum
The Dogs of Men and War: Charlie Newman and His Lost Novel by Alexander Nazaryan
Operation Mensch
You Two Just Crack Each Other Up by Andrew Hudgins
Pinning Down: A Conversation with Catrin Morgan by Daisy Atterbury
How to prove whether one dose of a COVID
Today's Hurdle hints and answers for May 9, 2025
The Knight’s Tale, and Other News by Sadie Stein
Enttäuschung by Sadie Stein
A Girl with a Mind by Sadie Stein
Best Sony headphones deal: Over $100 off Sony XM5 headphones
3 Stories of God: 79, 80, and 93
The Talking Animal Cinematic Universe is real. Trust us.Teen who hacked Apple told to use 'gifts for good rather than evil'These 'Little Black Mirror' miniHomes in Trump Tower now advertised with a new amenity: Secret Service protection6 deeply serious questions we have for Joe Biden about a 2020 presidential runTrump started a Twitter war with China, and it worked: China's madAdult swipes foul ball from kid, but there's a happy endingNotes arguing over flower ownership are the most British thing everUber will now kick off riders with low ratingsAdult swipes foul ball from kid, but there's a happy endingFacebook exec's defense of the 'drunk Pelosi' video doesn't add upSamsung's Galaxy Fold won't launch in June, reports claimYour Starbucks cake could have more sugar than 5 Krispy Kremes'Observation' game review: A gripping sciFacebook's engagement is sinking with no end in sight9 ways 'Game of Thrones' changed the way we talkRunning out of cloud storage? Here's how to clear out your Gmail inboxNew 'order' sticker spotted in Instagram StoriesA pack of lions attacked a buffalo, and the internet is taking sidesSo what happened to everyone after the 'Game of Thrones' finale? Guess what? U.S. carbon emissions popped back up in a big way Mark Zuckerberg reveals his New Year's resolution Vietnamese restaurant called Pho Keene Great attracts ire of authorities Hyundai's four Jamie Lee Curtis wasn't so down with FIJI Water girl's photobombing efforts IBM just unveiled a 'quantum computing system' for commercial use German authorities have identified Angela Merkel's hacker Deadly snake keeps it basic this season by hiding in an Ugg boot Critics slam M. Night Shyamalan's 'Glass' Hotel humors a guest's request for framed pictures of Jeff Goldblum 'The Daily Show' found an old Trump speech encouraging people to climb concrete walls Blac Chyna is selling a t This 1995 ad featuring Donald Trump will ruin stuffed crust pizza for you 'Black Mirror' creator has a savage response to 'Bandersnatch' haters Thousands of gay men could finally be pardoned for historical 'offences' Inside Google's very strange amusement park ride at CES 2019 Big ass fatberg found in sewer of British seaside town 'Captain Marvel' has highest first day ticket sales of almost any Marvel movie Samsung might launch Galaxy S10 and Galaxy F at February event J.K. Rowling has revealed her true Patronus and it's suitably badass
1.7151s , 8222.234375 kb
Copyright © 2025 Powered by 【Esther Moser】,Co-creation Information Network