【sapphic eroticism】

Americans are sapphic eroticismtaught to be ashamed of their loose bowels -- but there is no greater cathartic pleasure than telling someone your story of digestive woe.

Truly, nothing feels better than eliciting other people's sympathy for your minor, passing medical ailments: for example, I am thrilled to announce to you all that I have a dentist appointment later today to examine my sore jaw.

IWasPoisoned.com does something even better than that: it allows people the unique pleasure of identifying restaurants where they believe they've been food poisoned, then telling the explosive diarrhea stories we've been taught are too "shameful" for the general public.

We all blow chunks every now and again. It's time we stopped hiding.

The crowd-sourcing platform, which was developed in 2015, has an actual socially conscious mission: to allow consumers to anonymously report food safety incidents. Consumers can research restaurants to determine if they have any past reports of food poisoning, then make their own determinations.

And while that's great and all, IWasPoisoned.com is more than that: it is hands down one of the best places to find sh*t stories on the web.

We've all ordered the cold shrimp cocktail at some point in our lives, then paid the digestive consequences. We've just not been able to talk about it, unless by force over text.

Now finally, we can find others -- beautiful humans -- just like us:

"I ate Chipotle on Friday, July 14th 2017, and spent Sunday, July 16th 2017 getting spit-roasted by my toilet and a bucket," one user writes.

Actually, there's about a hundred exactly like this, and they're all about Chipotle. Do not be confused by their very handsome burrito bowl. It is not your friend.

"My son became sick after eating at this Chipotle. We took him to the doctor and they ran test and advised that he had contracted Campylobacter. They had to report it to the State. A Health official contacted me and did a thorough questioning of where he had been and were he had eaten in he last 10 days. They felt like it pointed to Chipotle," one reviewer writes.

There are, of course, others who make choices we'll never fully understand -- people who know what they're ordering is wrong, and yet to they continue to eat it. Again and again and again.

"My wife and I both ate this pizza, got sick, weren't sure what made us sick, ate it againthe following day, both got sick again," one user writes (italics mine).

"I had the BBQ boneless chicken breast. The piece I received tasted like it had been frozen for who knows how long it had a rubbery chewy texture. I told the managerthey brought me another piece and the same exact thing.A couple of hours later I had horrible vomiting, diarrhea and a fever," another reviewer explains. (Italics mine).

"I had a thick slab of fish - don't know what kind - on a sandwich. It wasn't very good, and when I got to the middle, it was even cold in the middle, and I remember wondering if it was safe. I wanted to send it back, but the server never came around, so I ate most of it anyway,figuring it came from frozen fish and probably ok. Big mistake. Up all night and some of the next day." another user writes (Italics mine).

And then people whose demands will never be met by the fast casual industry complex:

"I had Paharganj de Chole Bhature Remix & Aamchi Mumbai Pav. Both were semi hot & cold, when they should be served HOT. When complained to the owner I was told oh no it food poisoning had probably happened from another place. I have never heard someone ask for a Dr. Note. I questioned him will you pay for my Dr. Visit and pay my bill. I was told NO loudly," one user writes.

This is compelling reading folks: far better than any supposedly canonical literature or award-winning Atlantic article about "climate change" your friend wants to force feed you.

Let it all go: your bowels and your stories, on IWasPoisoned.com.