My Dearest Abigail,Scarlett Fay Archives
It has been long since I had an opportunity of writing to you, and I gladly avail myself of the present opportunity. As I sit and toil in the wick'd heat at the local McDonald’s waiting for my precious Ricky and Mortysauce, I find joy in the mem’ries of you. I am on the front lines of the cause now, and I don’t imagine I will find myself venturing homeward for quite some time…
Do not weep for me, my sweet Abigail! For the cause is important, as you know, and we all here have determined we are willing to do whatever for this sauce, even if it means our death.
SEE ALSO: McDonald's relents to rabid 'Rick and Morty' fans, promises more Szechuan sauceIt is now hour nine of this war. We grow tired and weak…subsisting off of only nuggets and using their grossly inferior tangy barbecue sauce. O, the horror. The wretched horror. I will spare you the details of the taste, as I’ve only a certain amount of parchment on which to write to you.
When I saw Rick, the cartoon character whom is impossible to identify with unless you are a sociopath, gush over the ancient Szechuan sauce, I knew I must taste this sweet nectar myself. Everyone here agrees.
Our chants of “We want sauce! We want sauce!” are slowly but surely demoralizing our enemy, the dreaded McDonald’s employee, who purposefully withholds this precious sauce for themselves. The Selfish Fools! They have no idea of our resolve.
We will not leave until we claim our sauce. And if they don’t provide? We will simply boycott their restaurants, bankrupting them in the process. Ha…I am laughing. Already, nine of us have agreed to never eat at McDonald’s again. They have no idea what they’re up against, my dear Abigail! We will not break!
They have no idea what they’re up against, my dear Abigail!
The news is not all bad from here. I’ve made a friend! His name is Zack and he is a brave soldier of the cause. The past hour fifty-nine I have spent o’er by his side saying such classic quotes as “I Am Pickle Rick” and the like. It is a delight, my sweet sweet Abigail. I hope some day you and him will meet. Tho…that day will be far from now. You must understand.
It is getting late. I am writing this to you under the dim light of Zack’s 1997 Honda CR-V ceiling light. We do not know how much longer we will be here, but we are ready to fight tooth and nail for what is ours by right.
I hope to see you soon, my darling. I will heed your correspondence in the morn.
Yours Affectionately,
Jared
Thanks for reading Mashable Humor: original comedy every day. Or most days. We're people, just like you, and we're trying our best.
A Brief, Cheesy Interlude
Sheriff's baffling tweet about a boulder in the road goes gloriously viral
There's a chance your football tweet was turned into Super Bowl confetti
Ellie's joke book is an unlikely companion in 'The Last of Us'
Holy Machiavels
'Stranger Things' is getting an official West End play
The 'lady drawer' meme is here to prepare you for your overnight guests
Microsoft builds Bing AI search into Windows 11
Citizen Zuckerberg
Wordle today: Here's the answer, hints for March 1
The Silent Treatment
Hinge audio notes: dos and don'ts
Xiaomi launches AR glasses ahead of Apple's rumored headset
Planters kills off Mr. Peanut for a Super Bowl ad, and people are thrilled
I’ve been working on this post…. for ten minutes…. just tweet it out
Twitter sued by at least six companies for not paying bills
Arizona's M3F Festival is a nonprofit, community
Fiona the hippo celebrated her third birthday with a huge fruit cake
Voting off the Apprentice President
MWC 2023: See the Motorola rollable phone prototype in action
BeReal app selfies are pretty unflatteringFrom Applebee's to the nation of Tuvalu, these are the 5 weirdest Web3 pivotsThe internet just died over Michelle Obama's thighHacker modifies tractor to run 'Doom' amid longThe best movies by Latina/Latino creators on Disney+Guy who posts billboards gets pranked with a billboard of his own faceRyan Reynolds posts pic with Hugh Jackman and Jake Gyllenhaal, gives it the perfect captionYes, there is an 'Aquaman' dildo you can buyWordle today: Here's the August 11 Wordle answer and hintsWordle today: Here's the August 11 Wordle answer and hintsDonald Trump once met Christian Bale and thought he was Bruce WayneHow to change your new Gmail layout back to the old versionXiaomi's CyberOne is a humanoid robot with a weird walkSpotify is now selling live concert ticketsThe best movies by Latina/Latino creators on Disney+Frasier was Photoshopped into a bookstore on Google Maps, and it's perfectTwo magnificent galaxies are about to collide in deep spaceXiaomi's Mix Fold 2 is a superThe best movies by Latina/Latino creators on Disney+Space debris might be a huge issue for the global south Ai Weiwei's Selfie Ain’t That a Shame: Fats Domino Black Friday: Every free Amazon Prime game for November and how to claim them With a Bang: An Interview with Eleanor Antin Fancams on my Twitter / X timeline determine what movies I watch Wordle today: The answer and hints for November 19 The Laws of Simple Sentences by Jeff Dolven Sex tips for disabled people and their partners Art and Biology: Ernst Haeckel’s Masterpieces Apple's Vision Pro might not launch until March 2024 Meta shutters responsible AI team Staff Picks: Cats, Combat, Conversationalists Lucky Girl Syndrome is TikTok's latest manifestation trend The Objects of Paul Cézanne, Captured TikTok knows you're using it as a search engine. It's even made an ad. On November First, the Ghosts Arrive Is Starbucks food actually good? The 10 best tweets of the week The Hollywood Darling Who Tanked His Career to Combat Anti The Electrifying Dreamworld of ‘The Green Hand’ X advertisers that have reportedly pulled ads recently: See the list
2.8599s , 10130.78125 kb
Copyright © 2025 Powered by 【Scarlett Fay Archives】,Co-creation Information Network